Potty Treats

Peter: Yeah, I'm looking for toilet-training books.
Bookstore Clerk: Oh, yes. We can help you there. Everybody Poopsis still the standard, of course. We've also got the less popular Nobody Poops But You.
Peter: Huh. Well, see, we're Catholic, so...
Bookstore Clerk: Then you want You're a Naughty Child And That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You.
Peter: Perfect!

So, potty training.
Liam has to be fully toilet trained to move up to the 3-year-old classroom in preschool. The folks at his school have generously allowed us one month to make this happen. It's been one week and he will sit on the potty, but only when it's his idea, and with no actual outcome. Meanwhile, his current hobbies include removing his shorts and diaper and peeing on the floor, or occasionally just pulling his penis out of his diaper so that it flops around at the waistband, which he finds delightful...and then peeing on the floor. It's a lot like having to house-train a puppy who yells at you "MOMMY, STOOOP!" and sometimes uses hands and feet to push you away when you try to get him to go in the proper place.

Our strategies include "potty treats" (mini M&Ms that, for some reason, he lusts after), gentle encouragement, the rule that when the diaper comes off, it must be time to use the potty, and lots of rounds of singing this song, from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood:

 

File Under: things that are happening.

Honestly, say what you will about children and television, but this song seems to be the magic potion that might just get this kid potty trained after all. Plus, it may be true that there is nothing cuter than watching Liam shout the words to this little song while standing before the bathroom door. It truly is a sight to be seen.

Our final ploy is an idea my friend Jamie's best friend Suan shared via text--she has had to potty train two little boys and so I trtust that she knows her stuff. She recommended getting underpants that featured Liam's favorite cartoon character(s). "Then, explain gently that peeing and/or pooping on Buzz Lightyear just isn't nice," she explained. So, thanks to Target.com, Liam is about to be the proud ownder of 7 pairs each of Cars, Despicable Me, and Thomas and Friends underpants. Plus a couple of undershirts and some boxers, because:

(a) he will definitely enjoy walking around the apartment in boxer briefs and undershirts just like Daddy, and,

(b) are you kidding me? A toddler in boxer briefs How cute will that be??

Anyway, wish us luck. We will certainly need it!